FALL2016
MLBLUE
83
Words :: Carmen Kuntz
The surge of whitewater rocks me up and down
inmy kayak. Waves of nausea and pain pulse in
my head and chest. I grab the wet rocks, trying
to groundmyself in the swell of the eddy. I look
at the tops of the trees waiting for the intensity
of the pain to pass—I smile to appear OK but
it’s just a mask. It’s been three years and three
months since I sustained a mild traumatic brain
injury (TBI) and this isn’t my first time back in
a boat. It’s my fiftieth. These symptoms are my
constant companion. But I’m in a kayak again. I
am determined.
When people find out that I paddle whitewater
and have a head injury, the most common
response is: “Did you hit your head on a rock?”
Their assumptionmakes sense. But unlike many
athletes who have sustained TBIs, mine was not
a sport-related accident.
It was summer in the Ottawa Valley. I arrived at
a party one evening and before I had time to
openmy beer, an overly excited and intoxicated
friend pickedme up over her shoulder, stumbled
and swungme head first into a deck post. It
was not an act of ill intent but it was an act of
stupidity. And it changedmy life forever.
Healing from a TBI is not like healing from a
broken arm. There is no protocol of recovery—
no cast to cut off in six weeks, no victorious first
day back on a bike or board. There is no such
thing as life
after
a brain injury, only life with
one. I’ve learned to work
with
my limitations
and I’vemade significant changes tomy life.
The invisible daily struggle of living somewhere
between a hangover and a migraine caused
serious depression. I was devastated by the
fact that my life as a young adult was reduced
to being unemployed and living in the dark at
my parents’ house. For almost five months I
either slept or lay awake in a dark, silent room.
I couldn't read, go on the computer or watch TV
because of severe light and noise sensitivities.
A conversation withmore than one person was
challenging. Attending social situations was
impossible. My days were reduced to one or
two tasks. Bake muffins. Wash dishes.
WELL
NESS
DAVEBARNES ILLUSTRATION
SLALOMANDTEQUILA
APADDLERRECOVERSFROMTRAUMATICBRAIN INJURY
